CANCER

More specifically, Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma is cancer of the lymphoid tissue, which includes the lymph nodes, spleen, and other organs of the immune system.


One of my best friends, my sister, my co-conspirator of 25+ years has this disease.  First diagnosed in 2002 she went through many different treatment options and after a couple of years was declared in remission.  


Remission until last summer when her cancer came back.  Very small at first.  Low grade.  The doctors said scans every three months and we will see if there is growth or if this will go away on its own.  Stage one, Watchful Waiting.


As of todays test results, it has grown.  She is not ready to talk about it.  I don't know what stage it is in.  I don't know what treatment will be decided on.  Chemotherapy, Biological Therapy, Radiation Therapy to name a few.  When she is ready she will break it down.


So until then, I sit alone crying, knowing she is doing the same.  Knowing she is scared of what this means.  Knowing her husband is scared and worried and stressed.  Knowing she is imagining her two year old son growing up without her.  Knowing she has to tell her oldest son who is away at college.  Knowing he will worry.  Knowing she will have to tell her almost 16 year old and 14 year old sons who were too young to truly know what was going on the first time.  Knowing she will have to explain it to her 10 year old step-daughter and 6 year old step-son.  Knowing she will have to tell her family, her parents, her grandmother.  Knowing they will worry, and stress, and cry right along with her.  


Right now is black and heavy.  


Right now is scary and over-whelming.


Right now is cancer.