Truth...Strength...Fight...Confidence

Today you shared.  Your truth. Shared your darker thoughts.  I don't think they are the darkest, but who of us wants to see our darkest thoughts put down in words, or spoken out loud.  It's like we have jinxed ourselves if we do.  But you brought us in to what is going on in your mind.  Gave us the truth as you know it.  For me, the only way I can be a good support-a good sister, is to know what is going on.  I need to know when to build you up, and when to back off.  So I am glad you heard me when I told you to share.  Please keep sharing.

Being strong is instinctual in us.  By us, I mean women, mothers, sisters.  We take the weight of the world on our shoulders and support and nurture it.  You will have to be strong in this next battle for life.  But you do not have to be strong for me.  I have enough strength for us both.  So if you are having a shit day and the light at the end of the tunnel looks like a mere pinprick that is miles and miles away, I want to know.  I want the truth.  If you are feeling depressed and angry, then put it out there.  I am the queen of comedic change of topic, and maybe I can make you laugh when you don't think you have it in you.  Maybe I'll piss you off in my ignorance of what to say, but I'm okay with that too.  Whatever it takes to get through the day.

The road you are travelling on is so foreign to me.  I have experienced cancer.  Both my grandfathers died of emphysema...a cancer of their own making.  But you didn't make this cancer.  You didn't invite it in and you sure as hell didn't ask for it.  But you can fight it.  I know you will fight it.  I'm just saying, I've got your back.  The bell has rung and round two has begun.  Tap me in when you need a break.  I can't take the cancer from you, but I can help relieve the heavy load of other things going on.  Just know that I am not a mind reader and if you need a break, want some time to yourself, you need only ask and I will be there.

So right now you are scared, and you are angry.  I know there is nothing I can say that will help ease that.  I can be unemotional and logical and rehash what the doctors are saying.  I can stay dry-eyed and pretend I'm not torn up inside.  But I can't do all of that.  I will be sad, with you.  I will angry, with you.  I will be scared, with you.  I will cry, with you.  And that is my choice.   I chose you, your friendship, your love.  I chose you for the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Cancer is definitely the ugly, but it won't scare me away.  I'm betting on the hand dealt, and I am all-in.

Please remember that you are not alone in this.  You have an amazing husband to support you.  Amazing family to help hold you up.  Amazing friends, who fall into the family category too, who will move mountains for you.   You will beat this.  I say so.  And don't scoff in what I say happens.  I mean it.  I am confident in you.  Confident that you will creep out of your bad, dark place.  Confident that you will come at this gloves off, ready to do damage.  Confident that your story has barely begun.