Saturday, December 31, 2011

More of the same

So, I have mentioned cancer previously.  My sister has NHL.  This journey with cancer is not over.  


We are not sisters by blood.  We are sisters by choice.  Intertwining souls and hearts have led us to this place where we have each other.  We are together, through the good, the bad, and the ugly.   


There are actually five sisters, besides me.  Ana, Heather, Joanna, Leah, and Luisa.  There used to be Kristina, but I don't think she could handle this groupe de six.   That is another story for another day.  One I don't feel like telling.  Not now anyway.


Of the five sisters, the one I know best and have known the longest is Ana.  She is the one with cancer.  We met when she was 13 and I had just turned 15.  We had the same basic circle of friends and were both unhappy with that circle, though we didn't know the other felt that way at the time.  It actually took a few years before we discovered each other for who we are.  But once we did, what a time we had.


Marriages were made, babies were had, divorces ensued.  New husbands, more babies.  Moves across country, and back again.  We've packed a lot into 25 years.  


Now as we enter 2012, we do so with cancer still on the table.  We had thought we would be celebrating remission.  But Rituxan did not do it's job.  It isn't it's fault though.  It worked the first time and isn't known for being completely reliable the second go around.  We hoped though.  We fought.  We prayed.  But this particular journey isn't over.


So 2012.  We bring in the new year with more hope.  We also are bringing fear. Now, Ana has to move into chemo.  Real chemo.  The plan was her to be a bit older before taking that step.  The plan was to not have a port for many, many years yet.  But cancer thwarted that plan.  September and October were spent with Rituxan treatments.  Treatments that we thought, hoped, prayed would lead to remission for a second time.  Treatments that would put off the port, and traditional chemo, for many more years.  But Ana's body didn't react to the Rituxan.  Didn't acknowledge it's presence, other than getting sick and exhausted.  Rituxan didn't put even the slightest dimple into any tumor.  No change.


So in two weeks, she goes to MD Anderson for a full work up.  A second opinion on what the next step should be.  This step is the first time I have appreciated the doctor that she loves.  This was his suggestion.  


Ultimately, she will start a traditional chemo based treatment, probably in February.  What kind of chemo will be determined after results from MD Anderson.  There is also some radioactive something or other, but I don't think now is the time.  What we know for sure is that any kind of chemo will mess with her.  She will lose hair.  Maybe all, maybe not.  Maybe even her eyebrows and eyelashes.  This saddens her.  She is admittedly vain and it is hard blow to lose something you are proud of.  And really, how do you prepare for that?  You know logically, mentally, how it will be.  But how do you prepare yourself emotionally?


She plans to cut her hair off.  Probably after she has been through the testing at MD Anderson.  Once she knows which treatment she will be embarking on.  My first thought is to make that day special.  A girls day.  Hair and nails and cocktails.  I was thinking I would cut my hair off as well.  I think I will hold this information tight, and surprise her with it.  Some people have 'shave your head' parties and some feel worse for having their friends and family do that.  I will talk to her, once she is ready for the cut.  Maybe we have enough hair to be able to donate to Locks of Love.  


So, 2012 will bring chemo.  Every third week.  While going through this, she will have her kids, all six of them, going through birthdays.  Jadon will turn 20, Justin will turn 17, Jace will turn 15, Abbie will turn 12, Adam will turn 9 and Landry will turn 3.  All within the next six months.  Then her nephew, my son Jordan will turn 18 and graduate high school.  And another nephew, my son Jonah, will turn 17 two weeks before Justin.  All in the next six months.  And there is more.  Events that will happen, that she won't miss.  Plus she will work.  Cancer doesn't pay for itself.


Six months.  We will hope.  We will pray.  We will fight cancer.